I’ve been working on the same novel since roughly sometime in mid-2009. It has been edited to death, and gone through many, many, many iterations. As it stands, I am currently at 61,890 words, and 219 pages (double spaced, Times New Roman, 12 point font, one inch margins). I feel like for it to be a “real” book I need over 300 pages.
The problem is that I don’t know what I’m doing with it anymore. I’ve included story lines and then removed them, replaced by something that I thought made the book better. I’ve added sub-plots that I thought could be interesting, only to abandon them when I run out of steam in that particular area. I had an ending in mind that I thought would be amazing, but I reached that penultimate moment around page 180. I need something else to finish the story. I need tension. I need drama. I need to find my way.
Another problem is that while I originally loved the characters and thought they were so compelling, they just feel stale to me. I’ve written and re-written their dialogue so many times that I feel like there’s nothing left to explore with them. Deep down I know there is – after all, I set up several different paths the story could take if I could just commit to one. But I’m just not feeling inspired by any of it right now.
Sadly, I promised myself – and Alan – I would use my recovery time off work to finish this book once and for all. It’s been years in the making and I just want to put it to bed. At the same time, I know that’s a really bad attitude to have because it doesn’t produce good work. Finishing for finishing’s sake really isn’t something I like to do, ever. I want to write something that is good, and that if I really pursued it could be published.
I guess I’m just not really feeling the muse right now.