Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. Sometimes, when thinking back to that day, I feel like it was just last week, while at other times, it’s been so long that I don’t even know who those two young kids were.
These are the things that I remember quite vividly …
I remember waking up at 4 a.m. so excited that the day was finally there, eager to get my day going but not wanting to wake up my mom, my sister, or my friend. I took a long, hot bath which was kind of interesting given the heat and humidity of Maui, but it helped to calm my nerves (and prune up my skin). I kept wondering if Alan was awake and if so, what he was doing.
I remember that while getting ready that I bemoaned the fact that I had a giant pimple on my face that had been exacerbated by several days’ worth of sunscreen usage. I remember thinking that I’d be so angry if it came through in pictures as I tried every make-up trick in the book to cover it up (this was in the days before Pinterest when all these miracle tutorials were at your fingertips).
I remember seeing my flowers for the first time and feeling such an utter sense of disappointment. What was the point of giving our wedding coordinator several photos of what I wanted if she wasn’t going to make the florist at least try? I remember her trying to convince me – as I could clearly smell the mildew and decay of the dying roses – that it was a beautiful bouquet.
I remember my sister trying to calmly and nicely tell the wedding coordinator and the videographer not to piss me off any more than they already had.
I remember her telling them that Alan and I WERE NOT going to see each other before the wedding as I tried to explain to them that they should go take pictures of him and leave me alone.
I remember how nervous I was once Jenny and my mom had gone to sit with the rest of the guests and it was just me standing up at the top of the stairs all alone, waiting to hear the music that was my queue. I remember the LONG (oh my god was it long) walkway to meet my groom. I remember getting halfway there and thinking, “wait, he was supposed to meet me here and we were supposed to walk down together – we probably should have practiced.”
I remember laughing during the ceremony because I didn’t know how else to control my emotions.
I remember, when the officiant went off script and asked if we wanted to say a few words to each other, that I thought I’d like to strangle him. We wrote that ceremony – the two of us – so that it expressed exactly what we wanted to say to one another. No extra words were needed.
I remember looking up at the … arbor? pergola? … that we were standing in front of and seeing the ivy covered with a swarm of bees. I’m allergic to bees, so thankfully they had little use for me. (Since our wedding the hotel has taken down the ivy; rumor has it the bees weren’t so kind to others.)
I remember hearing a commotion during the ceremony and wondering who was intruding on our wedding. (Turns out it was Mike Tyson’s entourage.)
I remember thinking the wedding song that our guitarist played seemed like it went on forever as we stood standing there just watching him. I’m not sure I knew what we were supposed to be doing, so I must have had a crazed grin on my face.
I remember seeing a muscle in Alan’s face ticking every so often. I’d never noticed it before then.
I remember my friend Evelyn reciting e.e. cumming’s “i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)” by memory and thinking how she did a much better job of it than I would have.
I remember parts of our vows. I remember saying “I do.”
I remember kissing my new husband.
I remember thinking that I had never been happier.
Happy anniversary, my love. I’d marry you all over again.