Once upon a time I was a graceful individual who could walk, talk, and chew gum at the same time. In the days of yore, I was even on a dance team where I was asked to perform difficult bodily manipulations for four minutes straight without tripping over my own two feet (or those of my teammates). I was the one who laughed at my sister for being such a klutz, mocking her by pretending she fell and put an ice cream cone straight into her forehead. I’m sad to say, my friends, those days are behind me. I have reached a point in my life where if I don’t wipe out spectacularly – all while being sober, mind you – at least once a year then I’m not living up to expectations.
Last year, that fall was at Disneyland, where in getting out of Space Mountain, my flip flop caught on the handlebar as I was stepping out, effectively stopping my (regular) forward momentum and sending my body flying out over the car and onto the tile in front of me, scattering the crowd. Hours later, while in the restroom, a lady recognized me and stopped me to ask if I was truly okay. I think my pride was more wounded than anything.
Last night I had a repeat performance, albeit not quite so publicly. Alas, it was only in front of Alan’s co-workers, some who I’d never met before and probably now think I’m the type of person who falls down drunk after two Guinnesses (I assure you, I’m not). We were leaving the pub after the sad England v Ireland match and the street was somewhat dark. I was walking on the sidewalk closest to the street, inches from the curb. And then suddenly my foot was falling off the curb, twisting my ankle, and sending my body flying forward into a low wall. My purse, which contained a bottle of Coke, broke my fall. Thankfully, the worst of my injuries were a scraped knee and palms. Or so I thought until we got home and discovered a Coke bottle shaped bruise on my hip and a bruise and cut on my elbow where I careened into the rock wall.
One of these days, I’m pretty sure I’m going to break something. That I haven’t already is a miracle. I’m beginning to think it might be wise to invest in a large – very large – roll of bubble wrap for all future public outings.